Life on pause in a sea of change

So for months now, I’ve been dreaming of snakes. Not vicious or scary, just there. In the grass, on the water, in my bag, on the floor – lots and lots of snakes in my dreams. I decided to ask an expert I know what it meant and I was not surprised to find out:

snakes = change

Ah, that makes sense. There’s been nothing but change in my life for almost six months now and after a lot of thrashing about, I’m slowly learning to work toward embracing the change as I’ve begun to realize there are lessons to be learned in this mess.

We haven’t found a new house to live in, so we’re urban camping in suitcases and plastic totes. We broke down and bought a real mattress and box springs after realizing that sleep is just to precious and neither of us was getting any level of quality sleep on the leaky inflatable.  The mattress was more than we wanted to move out of here – especially since we already own two other complete sets, the third seems truly redundant and yet I think I’ve slept at least 11 hours a day for the last week trying to catch up. This morning, I finally woke and felt like I wasn’t dragging.

We don’t cook because we didn’t bring any pans or pots to cook in – we didn’t think we’d be apartment camping for this long – and there’s no microwave in the apartment and we’re loathe to buy anything else we have to move out of here. So, another thing I dream of is cooking. I cook up a storm in my dreams! All of the things I’m craving – baked mashed cauliflower, roasted red pepper soup, noodles and spicy shrimp, big pots of marina sauce. I can’t wait to cook again.

This week, the YMCA where we work out is closed due to some large amount of repair and construction work they want to complete. That’s been another big disruption to our routines to get used to. Monday, I went to Zumba in the evening and had to fight to get to sleep after. Tuesday, I did yoga in the park with my MP3 player. I laid my mat on the ground in a grove of eucalyptus trees. The air was fragrant as I worked through the poses guided by Shiva Rae’s voice in my ear. Wednesday, I was sore and tired and so I listened to my body and rested. Today, it’s a lunch-time bike ride and Zumba this evening. Nothing static about that workout routine at all – lots of cross-training.

Lately, I’ve felt that my life is on pause. After a huge crazy period of change, now it’s on pause. Not going forward and certainly not going back. Not stuck really, just a long pause in a wide sea of change.


fourteenergirl Written by:

A mother, sister, wife, and daughter who writes, knits, hikes, and practices yoga on the west coast. Loves a zippy chardonnay or a tart margarita!

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