What happened? Did we really reach a turning point?

I don’t know exactly when it happened or how … but I’m here admitting that I’m beginning to fall seriously in love with this place.

Wow, there I said it, or rather wrote it.

What happened?

We left just before the most horrific fires I’ve ever not witnessed and other heartbreaking events, which only made us worry about everyone we knew back home and wish we could be there. I suffered serious and terrible homesickness. I can tell you it’s been a long, long time since I was that depressed and I know I shook my marriage pretty hard with that little adventure.

We were stuck in an apartment that made things worse. We tried buying house after house after house. Nothing worked – investors took houses right out from under us and Mr. Man struggled with the thought of driving the 101 every day for over an hour.

I had to deal with clouds and gloom that nearly flattened me – it definitely sent me running to find some sunshine, any sunshine. I terrified my entire blog audience of three people by breaking down and crying beside the road.

I don’t think it was just getting into the house because this house is seriously tiny, and very expensive, and really not that well built. This is the smallest, most expensive, cheapest built house I’ve ever lived in (I think, my first house was larger but older and may have been pretty cheaply built too). After working so hard on our house in Colorado, this house is a real compromise – for both of us.

And yet …

I finally confessed to my guy that I’ve been holding back on what I like about this place. I didn’t want to admit that it’s starting to grow on me – well, parts of it are – and I didn’t want to ‘give in’ to this place. He said the same thing – he’s been holding back the parts that made him happy out of fear of hurting me and seeming disloyal, but now it seems we’re both turning a corner.

There’s a lot to like about the area and the fact that we live outside of Santa Barbara (it’s a great place to visit but unless you can dump a million or so into your living quarters, it’s really not gonna be comfortable) makes a big difference. We live among farms, which helps, and we’re close to sailing, which helps, and we’re near the ocean, which is unbelievable.

Oh, the guilt!

It’s crazy. I didn’t want to like this place. I wanted to get in, do the work for a few years, and get the hell out and go home, but here I am listing things I actually love about it. Here I am thinking about the things I would miss from here if we moved somewhere else.

I suppose it’s like everything in life – eventually, it gets better. No matter how bad it is, it does get better. Eventually.

How weird and lovely and heart-warming a reminder is that?

fourteenergirl Written by:

A mother, sister, wife, and daughter who writes, knits, hikes, and practices yoga on the west coast. Loves a zippy chardonnay or a tart margarita!

One Comment

  1. Ell Lukasik
    January 16, 2013

    Sniff, sniff, I’m wiping tears off my cheeks. So pleased for you. There are some really great things about California. I’m so glad for you both that you’re acclimating. Still miss you tho!

    Depression sucks!

    Hugs and love,

    Ell

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