Hey, it happens and usually it happens all at once doesn’t it?
I’ve been blocked from doing the work I need to do. Not really important to explain here but suffice it to say that I’ve been asked not to do the work that I know I can do – that they need other things to happen before they can trust me, just wait patiently.
Confidence blow #1
Last week I was told by someone that I was ‘assertive, authoritative, taking initiative and honest’ and that she wanted me to change all that because people were offended. I said that these were all qualities I valued in myself and that I was proud of them and would not be making any changes on those, but that I would work on being more diplomatic.
Confidence blow # 2
Recently, my guy explained that he wanted us to start doing a new workout practice – one that would make us super lean and would make us super strong. He said all the right things – he was kind and he included himself in this plan, but underneath it all is the fact that he wants me to look better (yes, he wants to look better too, but still it hurts).
Confidence blow #3
In the book, Why French Women Don’t Get Fat, the author, Mireille Guiliano, mentions that when she returned to France after some time in America her father said she looked like a sack of potatoes. She didn’t hold anger toward him as she knew he was right.
I know that in America, we say it’s OK. That we should all take care of ourselves and just over the whole being thin thing. I get it. Not every body type is the same body type. We’re all different. We have different abilities and desires and strengths. All that said we do need to take better care of ourselves. As a nation of people, we are eating too much, drinking too much, using food and booze and drugs to medicate ourselves.
I have felt like I looked pretty good but I also knew I was gaining weight. I also know that I have come to an age when dropping weight is not easy. I also admit that I have enjoyed not being sore all the time, not pushing myself that hard. I haven’t ‘let myself go’ per se, but I’ve also not been too careful with what I eat or what I drink. It’s been fun and it’s hard to hear that that has to change – even if it is for all the right reasons.
In meetings, I’m more cautious about what I say and I hate it.
In the morning, I’m sweating with a DVD program at home and I like it – it’s nice not to pack the bag, drive, workout for over an hour, and hope for results. This workout plan should work.
In the evenings, I don’t immediately pour a glass of wine. My guy and I work out the meal together and he’s helping me cook and we eat dinner together. I’ll take it – I always wanted that.
So, with my confidence in the toilet, it’s time for me to dig deep and keep working on how I am going to do things differently. Wish me luck.
And pass the celery because I’m hungry.