Clarity comes in many forms

Thank you everyone for the prayers and well wishes as I heal from surgery. It’s been a long, hard haul and I have much recovering work in front of me but the hope is that the worst is behind me. It’s difficult to imagine putting my life on hold for weeks in the hospital and then to face a month of forced down time, but it has brought me face to face with clarity.

Just before heading into surgery, I ran into a woman I had become friends with and was nearly floored with the need to talk with her and tell her what was going on. The time nor the situation were right, but I held that thought while in the hospital and I’m even more convinced that she is going to help be my guide as I reconfigure the next stage of my life.

It’s true that the people  you need show up when you need them. A nurse asked me yesterday if I had support ready at home and I began to cry immediately. Another sign. I have created some community here in California, but have managed to sidestep meaningful connections out of fear. I don’t know how long I’ll be here. I’m too busy. I have friends far away and I love them, how can I split myself into so pieces?

As Steve and I were walking the halls of this beautiful hospital (it is gorgeous – hundreds of original art works are on  every floor and dozens of outdoor spaces for resting outside and looking at the mountains – a Spanish woman separated from her group and came to hold and hug me. She whispered a prayer in my ear and held me as a mother would. It was a blessing. It was beautiful. I thanked her and we walked on.  I felt guilty for a moment that she thought I was emotional due to a loss of a child – we were walking near the birthing unit at the time, but decided that a gift prayer was still a gift even if I didn’t understand the language.

I hopefully head home today and I face plenty of challenges. I am grateful to have this opportunity to recover. I know full well that there are plenty of people who don’t and I am determined to keep this gift close to me.

fourteenergirl Written by:

A mother, sister, wife, and daughter who writes, knits, hikes, and practices yoga on the west coast. Loves a zippy chardonnay or a tart margarita!

Be First to Comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *